iwishlilbwasmygrandpa: Being a nice guy fucking sucks. Wait, sorry, I mean an ice guy. I’m made of ice and that’s bullshit. I slip everywhere
jaclcfrost: talking to someone talking to someone and they mention A Thing you like that you didn’t know they liked or knew about
ptrparker: ianmckellening: i like that part in iron man 3 where the whole movie wow you could have at least said spoiler alert
readalot413: liverpate: azraeldoesnotdispute: liverpate: why am i not a banana Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. However, it should please you to know that you share 50 - 60% of your DNA with a banana. thanks man are you telling me that some people are 10% more banana than other people
when ur being dramatic for humorous effect and...
icanbarelyspeak: not-thefunniestblog: if kate middleton doesn’t present the baby to the world from her balcony the same way rafiki presented simba they are doing it wrong when Michael Jackson did that people got really mad
anniephantom: labirdgeoiseed: this is my favorite goofy pun ever, I have told it at least five times I don’t care, fuck you okay ready as you all know, saint patrick walked barefoot as an act of contrition, which made his feet rugged and blistered. he ate an ascetic’s diet, which made him weak and additionally gave him bad breath. all of this made him a super-calloused fragile mystic...
Where has everyone gone?
I don’t mean this physically… But my friends keep disappearing one at a time:/ I miss how things used to be. I love my friends, but times have changed. Unfortunately.
meladoodle: *prosecuting lawyer voice* i have only one question for the defendant… ‘guiltypersonsayswhat?’ “what?” haha owned you’re going to jail
smalltownbigguy: in the south we don’t say “you’re a dumb fuck” we say “bless your heart” and i think that’s beautiful.